Nefarious Tales: The Darkling and the Knockoffs that Followed

When Mishma announced she would be hosting a celebration for villains, it's no surprise yo girl, Nova, decided to join in all the fun. Today, I bring you a post of musings I've been contemplating for a while now.

When I was a youngin', the villains were very obvious. They wore black, looked maniacal and were almost always creepy in some way. Also, they tended to be old and ugly to reflect their internal villainy. As a ten year old, this made so much sense. We see these people and go, "they're so mean and ugly! It just makes sense!" I'm drawing my experiences from mostly shows like Teen Titans and Kim Possible. Yeah, they had pretty fiendish-looking villains.

So imagine my surprise when twelve year old Nova read Shadow and Bone for the first time. The Darkling was nothing like the villains I'd ever encountered. For one thing, he was charming. HELLA charming. And intelligent. And ambitious. (And hot asf.)

I feel like whenever I tell people I love the Darkling, I never get the chance to explain why. I don't love the Darkling because he's gorgeous, although that does kind of help. I love the Darkling because he was one of the first villains I'd read about that portrays villains as more than just tyrannical (fullstop.) The reason I love them so much is because I find myself fascinated by what makes them tick. Unlike so many others whose purpose seems one dimensional, meant to be the things readers "BOO!" at, The Darking brings out a moral struggle in me. I'm supposed to hate him but I end up feeling bad. In an extreme case, I actually did agree with some of the things he said.

Don't laugh, but there's a Taylor Swift quote that I've always loved and it really fits into this situation. Taylor Swift and villains? I know, right?

“When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.” 

- Taylor Swift

As far as I know, The Darkling is unique is his own right. I won't claim that anyone bearing similar resemblance to him is a knockoff. This is not a shade post to call out other authors but truthfully? I really like the way the title sounds.

Instead, let's dissect the Darkling. (Okay, that came out way way wrong.)

1. Black.
The Darkling specifically can get away with this. I tend to prefer my villains not in stereotypical all black attire but seeing as this guy represents the darkness in the corner of the room, I'll let it slide. Bringing it back to the T-Swizzle quote, I've always felt that black is cartoonish (unless we're talking about Westley from The Princess Bride while he's wearing black — he made it werk.)

2. Elusiveness & Cracks in the Armor
“The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak.” And boy did Alina want it (at one point.) I think it has to do with the mystery of things. The character had his walls up and every so often, there's this perfectly planned moment where he shows a smudge of humanity, enough to only fascinate the reader more. With villains, and really, any character, I don't always see the intrigue. It's "they're evil" but I don't believe that everyone is 100% evil. I do believe that when push comes to shove, they will either do good or bad. But to show the 3% good in the 97% evil of a character adds depth to me.

3. Tragic Backstory
Also like black, I don't necessarily like tragic backstory. I feel like it can sort of "excuse" the villain from their bad actions but in this case, it works like elusiveness, where it adds to backstory.

4. Physical Attractiveness 
I don't consider myself shallow where looks are the only things that matter. No way, bro. But it does help that The Darkling is this menacingly attractive that shouldn't be fair. It's like how the brightest flowers are usually poisonous. [I felt very smart with that one.]

5. Intelligence
This is like the, "I can show you the world" thing. We see the Darkling as this source of knowledge and I don't know about you but for me, intelligence is such a bonus. The problem with this is that it can really further how evil this truly is. Personally, I really respect intelligence and if someone speaks in a refined way, it makes me want to agree with them. My favorite example is Kilgrave from Jessica Jones. That guy, he's messed in the head. But at the same time, some of the stuff he says, it makes a lot of sense and that bothers me.

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How To Make Waves - A Reflection on My Blogging Journey

I heavily recommend you listen to me reading this reflection as you follow along with the post. It sounds like a spoken word. Please, I spent a lot of time doing it and I feel like my words carry more meaning with the audio. However, I know that not everyone is an auditory learner, which is why the text version of the letter is also available. Thank you so much for reading.


Quite often, I forget that I've been a blogger for a long time. I'm fifteen and it doesn't seem like it, but my "blogging age" is embarrassingly long.   However, in my however many years, I never once thought of doing a reflection of my journey. That is, until now.

Realize that the reason I'm doing this is because I need you to understand that there is a person behind the screen. Whenever I have to talk about something personal and potentially hard-hitting, I always try to go with my voice, my face - something to remind each other that the screens we hide behind are not real.

I started blogging as a tiny middle-schooler who didn't know the first thing about it. I was deathly afraid of making mistakes, so I didn't make... anything. I sat in my little bubble of positivity, tweeting happy and unrealistic shit about the books I don't even remember. I complimented bloggers on their hair, their blog, just goddammit - I want you to like me. Now that I think about it, in my blissful ignorance, I can't really think of a blogger that didn't.

But in doing so, I made myself as bland as a cardboard cutout. I've talked about this so many times and it won't hurt to repeat - I am Nova. Je suis Nova. 我是 Nova. I don't need more languages to express this. But online, I didn't feel like her.

You may remember my letter to 2015, where I promised myself to be more fearless, to be brave and to be kind. I want to be a good person. That is my intention in the long run. Let me say it again, I want to be a good person. And yet... I found myself situated in problem after problem, making decisions that I now stand by. I found myself causing problem after problem, speaking up, saying things I never would've said before. I talk about diversity, signal boost articles on marginalized groups. I leave my thoughts on anything I see, negative or positive. I subtweet because I am not at the comfort level to openly disagree with people on their spaces.

By nature, I am loud. My voice carries around. You've given me power to speak by listening. Friends, lend me your ears as I make one thing abundantly clear: I will mess up. I have messed up and holy shit, I know it. My opinions are as strong as the coffee I make on Monday morning. We could talk all day on how I believe that the minute someone goes from defending a victim to name calling, the hero becomes the villain. I could sit here and tweet up a storm about the way a problem becomes a volcano becomes a natural disaster and one person gets blamed. I could ride my horse till morning and outrun all of my problems but they have cars and the internet. God, the internet. An archive of all the times I've messed up in one convenient package. 

So how, you ask, do you make waves? 

Number one: Tweet fearlessly (and learn to apologize too.)
Be confident in what you say, know it's the right thing, or don't speak at all.

Number two: Be prepared [to mess up.] 
Sometimes, things don't go our way. We make mistakes; hurt each other and do all the things we promised we wouldn't. But to some people, it doesn't matter how kind of a person I am in my day job, if I help people in need outside of the internet. If I mess up once on the internet, things are already over. Some people wait on the bleachers for a blunder just to strut around with their righteous attitude while I'm on the floor. This is what terrified me as a tiny middleschooler; the very moment where people who I thought were friends would start to see me as someone who makes mistakes. As someone who is... human.

Number three: realize that these are not friends.
Friends don't spotlight shortcomings with flashlights; they light the path to retribution**. But let me tell all of you, I am, you are, all of us, we are good people who screw up. It might be often or almost always. I rely on a heartfelt apology, DM session and hope to let the other person know that I am sincerely sorry. It doesn't always work but it isn't about "work," it's about "try." I rely on the others; the people who will tell me when I am wrong but support me as a learner, nonetheless. By making waves, I find out who my real friends are.

My journey is about finding the balance in saying whatever the eff I want without injuring another soul. Perhaps one day, I'll be able to do this without any mistakes or misdeeds, but for now, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and just learn from those mistakes.

And even though I've definitely experienced crippling feelings of inadequacy and hurt from these confrontations, at least I'm not a cutout. At least I'm not a compliment machine who believes life is filled with rainbows. Life isn't filled with rainbows but it's mine, and everyone else's job to apply their humanity so one day, maybe it can be.


**the awkward moment when English isn't my parents' first language and the definition of retribution they taught me doesn't match dictionary.com. Sorry about that. Anyway, you know what I meant by that; a better word would be, *improvement.

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Do Character Names Matter?

Whoa! A discussion post on a Wednesday?! What is this sorcery? [Shameless plug] I'm revealing a THRONE OF GLASS inspired song on Friday which is why the dates are switched. After this week, Out of Time resumes with its regularly scheduled programming.

In another discussion post, I mentioned that a lot of characters I know have really odd names. For example, I don't think I've ever met a Celaena. Nor have I ever met a Penryn. Okay fine, these books aren't set in our time/world but in that post, I questioned whether in the future, our names would change into those.

Today, I wanted to talk about the idea of character names as a whole. Do they matter?

If I say, her name was Cassie. She had a bright smile and eyes that weren't quite focused like she was still wandering in a dreamland, do you picture someone in specific? What color are her eyes? What color is her hair?

Would it differ then, if I gave the exact same description but said that her name was Natasha?

For me? I would picture Cassie as the character from the tv show Skins [whose name IS Cassie] because that's who the description is based on. But if you haven't watched Skins, who would you imagine? If her name was Natasha, I would picture a girl that I know in real life who looks nothing like Cassie from Skins.

I was thinking that maybe we put people we know in real  life of the same name in the place of characters because I certainly do that when I can. It makes for a very interesting experience most of the time. It's like my friends are part of the novel. But sometimes, that method can go really wrong and unfortunately, it changes my feel of the book.

If the main's character name was Nova [or Amelia], I probably wouldn't want to read the book. It just feels weird seeing your name in a book but it isn't you. I can't describe it. I think it goes either way - you either love it or you think it's weird. The weirdest part would be if "Nova" had a love interest. I would be like... am I supposed to ship... myself? I don't think I would be able to appreciate the romance at all and would just be like... okay then.
Recently, I just saw the movie, PROM, and the good girl x bad boy storyline happened with the girl being Nova and I kind of just sat through it. I felt nothing even though I probably should. Good girl x bad boy is one of those tropes that are annoying but I love. Unfortunately, because of the name, I just sat there. Awkward.

 

A worse case would have to be in Jenny Han's To All The Boys duology. I have nothing against the book - I love it! My problem is that the "hot guy"'s name is Peter Kavinsky and my dad's name is Peter. I feel so uncomfortable going, "Peter is so swoony!" because *shudders* And I know I'm being immature but that fact alone stunts my reading experience.
But the thing is that this is a personal problem. I'm sure some of you don't think of anything when you hear the name Peter. So what names do you have a problem with, if you have any? 

While character names don't affect the personality [necessarily], I think that they're very important. Even with a description of a character, the way we see them is always based on the person reading and that's what I think is really cool.

Character names are so we don't have to go, "that one" or "this one." Without them, how would anyone be able to keep track of anyone? But what's the process that goes into naming a character? Is it the same process as naming a child? I'd like to think that character names take a lot of thought but really, when I started my novel, I just picked names that I liked. [For last names, I googled last names that fit with the character's nationality.]

So yes, to me, character names do matter. They change the experience if they're the wrong name for me or if they're the name of one of my favorite actors. Either way, reading is an experience that's different for everyone so these names matter different depending on the reader.

Now it's your turn! What character names make you feel weird? Are there any hot guys that you can't call swoony because of personal experiences? Or do you just not care? I wanna know!

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Do Culturally Inspired Fantasy Worlds Have To Be 150% Culturally Correct?

Hey guys! I'm bringing you another post on culture. Why? Because I can. [Also because I thought of this at midnight and I'm very intrigued.]

So I was surfing the internet -as a person like me does- and I came across something that kind of irritated me. Don't ask me how I stumbled upon a dated blog post from two years ago because I have no idea. All I know is that it was in regards to my favorite series: Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo.

I don't really know why it's my favorite series. There really isn't one thing that makes it stand above all else. That being said, when I read the blog post, I didn't feel the need to post a rant comment in response. I'm classy as hell so I took it to my own blog.

In essence, the blog post was a huge complaint about how Shadow and Bone was a story that butchered Russia, its culture and language. Damn. That's a pretty heavy accusation. To be perfectly clear, I don't know a lot about Russian culture and I think in a way, that's the good part about books that have culture - so we can learn in ways that are more interesting than reading a non-fiction.

But let's get this out of the way: Ravka is not Russia.

I went into the book knowing that it was high fantasy. Knowing that Leigh didn't want to have another run of the mill fantasy book set in Godknowswhere middle ages where people wear tights and talk with words that end in -eth. I guess, I could assume that maybe the reader who wrote the rant didn't know this? That he/she expected authentic Russian culture and received a unique and interesting take of Earth's geography and history. Or even go as far as to say that he/she is Russian and the book personally offended them?

But all of this leads me to the question which is the title of the post: does a fantasy world inspired by a culture have to stay true to it?

Note: I'm not talking about racism in the world building. That was the other discussion. I'm also not trying to ignore the topic; I'm just not touching on that because it's a whole other topic entirely with an easy answer. Yes, culturally inspired fantasy worlds should never be offensive to the culture its deriving from. 

Now that, that's out of the way... 

Something that made me stay away from Jay Kristoff's Stormdancer series was because of some of the reviews I saw. He's obviously a capable author - I loved Illuminae. I was all ready to go read his previous work but then I found reviews that claimed that the world was butchered.
Like Bardugo's world, Kristoff's is inspired by a culture.

To me, this can go two ways. Either, the author means it and it's evident in the writing. With Bardugo's, you can see it in the world - it's got a Russia-like feel but it obviously is not Russia. Or things can go the way where the author says "inspired by a culture" so they don't take responsibility when they eff up or leave an important part of the culture out. I don't like to assume the worst of authors so I always try to think of the first but really, I think it's about the reader. Some will see the uniqueness of the fantasy world. Some won't. And those who don't may chalk it up to the author not staying true to the culture.

Oh, how about this? How come if say, I wanted to write a fantasy story, I could use my fourth grade knowledge about the middle ages and screw up whatever I wanted to and no one would care? If I said that there were gremlins that sparkled purple that lived in caves in England, no one would care. It would be idiotic but I doubt that I would get blasted for "messing up a culture" [even though, technically I am.] However, if I turn a culture that isn't often seen [Russia, Japan etc.] into something unique and fantasy-ish, I'd get blasted for not staying 150% true?

You believe that there are dragons; there are dragon slayers and the slayers have magic but you can't believe in a world that's parallel to our own where things are a little/lot different? I don't know how I feel about all of this. I think it matters so much about the context. I can't say that all books need to be culturally correct. It depends on how different and fantasy-like the world has become. To me, the situation is different for every book and we need to read them before making a judgment. [As opposed to: "This book gets its inspiration from Russia but the names aren't culturally correct!"]

I feel like I'm writing the same kind of discussions; sorry about that! I just happened to stumble on something that got the creative juices flowing! And yes, I would love to hear your thoughts about this. I hope we're more calmed down about the last incident to talk about this one civilly too! I really hope to learn from your comments [and I urge you to also learn from other comments!]

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The Community is NOT About Unconditional Love [It's About Respect]

I'm going to say it right now. I think you can guess from the title, this is a daunting topic. Let's hope I did it right. If I didn't, feel free to share your views. Despite the slight irritation in the tone of the post, I'm 100% bent on listening to all sides. Anyway, back to my main point: this post is about something that's troubled me about blogging since the beginning. I've questioned this topic over and over again - especially since I have NEVER read a post on it. That could be because I shouldn't be talking about it? But hey, since when I was ever one to follow the rules?

To put it simply: I feel like I'm the ONLY person who dislikes other bloggers. 

 Jeez. That was hard to get out.

My favorite thing to do is always to compare the blogging community to my friend group in school or to a workplace. Why? Because that's the easiest way to describe a group of people who [I assume] share similar interests and/or do the same things.

When I go to school, there are a million and one people who are constantly talking shit, spreading rumors and just being awful. When I got to blogging, I was surprised at how loving people are. We're spreading comment-love, following each other on twitter and squealing about books. My twitter stream is always full of normal people having fun conversations. So either they really are that loving, I'm missing all the blogger vs. blogger drama or it's very hush hush. Regardless, I've spent the past ___ years thinking that I'm the only person who gets into issues with other blogger. That I'm an asshole for disliking another blogger.

Recently, I talked to a few bloggers over DM while we vented about things we disliked in blogging. People came up and we shared experiences that happened in the past. One that I talked about was how I was accused of plagiarizing from other blogger. [We've got a mutual block goin' on.] It's one of those private conversations as I feel we are allowed to have; where "what gets said in DM, stays in DM." I quickly realized that everyone has people they dislike - but even more important is the way we treat those people in spite of disliking them.

There are quite a few bloggers that I don't see eye to eye with. Some of them, I've personally gotten into kerfuffles [lol, that word] with and I no longer want to be buddy-buddy with. Some, I just stay away from because to me, they're problematic and I don't want to be involved with that kind of drama.  In one case, I feel like the blogger used me as a promotion minion! Do I still feel a little miffed when I see them somewhere: yes, I'm human. But despite all of this, I would never publicly say that, "this blogger is a (derogatory comment here.)" There is a huge difference between disliking a person and being a bad person and I have no idea why but it took me so long to realize this.

This brings me to the title of the post: The blogging community isn't unconditional love towards everyone, even though that's what it always seems like to me. We're all human and we all have our likes and dislikes. Are we classy about keeping that information to ourselves or people we trust? Hell yes. And that's why I love this place. I'm sure there are a shitload of people who dislike me and that's totally fine. I don't care about what people think of me; I care about how they treat me. And when those two ideas become both negative, that's when I have a problem. 

So even though I don't have a social justice point to prove, I felt the need to write this post. To dispell the myth of, "every blogger supports/loves every blogger." And I know that's not the answer want to hear but I'd rather dish out the truth than some candy-coated downplay. There are always going to be people who don't like and people we don't want to interact with. I'm writing this for Past Nova, who constantly felt like a bad person for her feelings. You are not a bad person for disliking a blogger just like you aren't a bad person for disliking a book. I'm almost a hundred percent sure that all of us dislike some bloggers out there; we're just classy about our feelings - as we should be.

I'm a little shocked that no one's ever talked about this! Whoa. Am I the first? I know it's hard to talk about more negative things but still. And if I am the first, I encourage you to spill everything! Just please; it goes without saying but if you're going to talk about your experiences, please don't mention the name of the person who was involved. Focus on the situation - not the other party. Have you ever felt like a bad person because you disliked another blogger? Even worse, when everyone else seems to love that person?

 
  

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The Representation of Culture in YA

If you know what brought that up, awesome. If you don't, awesome. Either way, I'm going to talk about it and as I wrote on twitter, the reason shit doesn't get solved is because so many people focus on the problem when they should see past it to figure out a solution.

Yes, shit happened. What can we do so it won't happen again?

The lovely people who think that way? We Need Diverse Books. Instead of going to hate on books that tackle culture inappropriately, they created a campaign that promotes something good. Instead of tearing something down for its mistakes, this campaign is more for making sure good things happen in the future. We can't change the things that already happened - especially if they come in the form of a published book, but we can try to influence the society so all of us are heard.

When I started reading YA, I didn't really notice or care that mainly, the protagonists were white. I cared more for the story. I'm not saying that culture isn't important - of course it is. I'm just saying that I don't mind white protagonists being in the majority. Would I love to see other cultures? Eff yeah! But most of the time in a book, the culture itself isn't present either - just the physical appearance [and I tend to skip over descriptions in every book I read. Personal preference.]

Which brings me to talking about books that do focus on culture. Asian culture [not to throw a blanket statement but I don't want to list all the countries] is hidden under a blanket where North American culture rules. I live in Canada, where diversity is a big thing. I grew up in a neighborhood where when I walk outside, it smells like one culture's food at one end of the street and another when you turn the corner. [Literally paradise, though.] Those were also houses that my family and I would go to for dinner often and those people would come to our house.
I went to MAC in the shopping mall near my house just recently and the customers/workers were a mix of every race I could think of. It was marvelous. I looked at it in awe and was so happy. If I had to explain what it's like living where I do, the situation with MAC is the best way.

So having grown up with that background, I feel a little phony calling myself Chinese at times. I do follow the customs but I also know bits and pieces of every religion/nationality and hell yes, I want to know more.

So isn't it weird when the next thing I say is that the, "girl goes to a new country and then learns their customs and gets a new perspective on life" trope bothers me.

Hey Nova, isn't that kind of what happened to you?

Yes, but you're missing the point. When I hear about a book where the setting is Africa or Indonesia, I'm expecting culture. I don't pick up the book for the main character - yes the story and other aspects are important but probably, the reason I pick it up is because I want to read something different from the typical North American setting. Quite frankly, the mannerisms of the people and the description of the places is more important than the main character to me. The entire world is bigger than her/him so when the author makes them the star of the show and lets that take precedence over the culture itself, I am annoyed. I don't think a culture's sole purpose should be a stepping stone for a bitchy girl to get over herself and realize that she needs to be kind. When I read about a new culture, I expect to feel like I'm there while I'm reading.

If the purpose of the book is to document character development in a new location, take him or her to Narnia. Take them to a new world where there isn't electricity so they'll remember to turn off the TV when they're walking away from it.

But then again, should any author be flamed for writing culture wrong? Should we say "ur trash" or "you tried"? Are either one acceptable? Is condoning racism in characters/books alright if the author is a kind person in real life? Or if the representation of culture is wrong, what should we do?

This is the year where I feel so much is going on in terms of content. There are so many more books about sexuality and mental health and, obviously, culture! I love it. It's essential to teach people about this, especially when I feel like the people I know in real life don't necessarily know/want to talk about it. I like the rise of fresh ideas in YA. I love reading about a sunken France, schizophrenia, Stockholm syndrome, a futuristic India etc. I didn't even know that I needed it so much until I read it.

But what happens when the representation is wrong? Or worse, racist? And here's another question. If I were to write something controversial, would I get a free pass because I'm Asian vs. another person who is Caucasian? Feel free to answer these in comments. I know I asked a lot of questions but that's only because I really am stuck.

Do I get offended? Yes. Do I get offended enough to call out the author? No. Do other people have that right? ...Uh. [See, I'm so stuck!]

It's such a conundrum for me. On the one hand, a mockery of any culture is wrong. If you don't say something, nothing will be solved ever. On the other, a mockery of any human being is wrong. What do you do? Where is the line drawn? And worst: if we're so awful to authors who mess up, think of how much "encouragement" we're giving to other authors who want to write about diverse topics?

The point of this post was for me to document all of my thoughts because I had so many. Where is the line drawn? How do we write culture without offending people? Or is it impossible to not offend people? I apologize if this post is all over the place but I can't edit it because that's exactly how I'm feeling right now.

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What TV Shows Should I Binge? [And Some For YOU!]

This post isn't about books but you know what? That's alright! Plus, The Shadowhunters/The 100 TV Shows are BASED off books so technically, this is still a book post.

During the year, my time is usually spent reading and finding new music to listen to. I still have a goal to get 1000 [good] songs on my iTunes. However, during the summer, I turn to binge watching tv shows as a source of entertainment.

The way it usually goes is that I do something on the computer and then I listen to the show while I work. For example, right now, I'm writing this while listening/watching to Orange Is The New Black. Every so often, I'll go to the Netflix tab and watch if something interesting is happen that has to be seen [like the scene with Pennsatucky on top of the wheelchair girl - where my OITNB frands?]

I really like TV because like books, I don't only watch a specific genre. Want me to watch a sci-fi thriller? I'm down. And a cartoon from the 2000's? COUNT ME IN! [Seriously, those were the thing.]

Nowwwwwww... I would like to make a list of TV shows I want to rec and another list for the ones that I haven't watched. By the end of summer, I'll have hoped to finish some of these. It's just all about watching as much TV as I can. Yeah, I know, this doesn't accomplish anything but sometimes we just gotta to do things for the fun of it!

2000's Disney Shows - I felt like I would group all of these together. When I'm talking about this, I mean like Hannah Montana, Suite Life, That's So Raven etc. Basically, all the shows on Disney before Disney went to hell. Other shows include the animated ones [which were my life] like American Dragon, Lilo and Stitch the Series and Kim Possible. I've seen all of these shows multiple times but this summer, it's time for a rewatch.

Switched At Birth - I'm actually not the one binging this one. My mom and sister have gotten hooked on it and I stayed to watch a few episodes too. What I thought was really interesting was how it's got a lot of themes about deaf people. I've never seen a show where deaf people and sign language are so integrated in the plot. It was awesome - plus I picked up on a few signs myself! [I can do my name now! YAY!]

Skins - I'm halfway through this one but you would have to watch this one to figure out if you would like it. I don't want to say ANYTHING about anytime I say anything, people judge it so quickly from what they think it is. Basically, this is a show that has a lot of mature themes but it's got a lot of realistic themes and it's British so I liked the little bits of culture. Hey, if you watch Sense8 or Orange Is The New Black, this shouldn't make you flinch.

Gossip Girl - Gossip Girl Syndrome is something I've mentioned in a review. It's basically the feeling I got while watching Gossip Girl: "This show isn't good - it's full of dramatic teens and stupid situations. It's awful! Let's play the next episode."
For a mindless TV show, I loved Gossip Girl even though I really disliked some of the characters *cough* Jenny and Serena. I guess the tagline, "You know you love me" rings true because damn, I did love you. Even though you frustrated me so often.

trust me when I say this isn't a spoiler.

The 100 -  Oh The 100. If you were on Twitter every Wednesday during the beginning/middle of the year, you might've seen the crapload of live tweets about The 100. Personally, it means that I have to stay off because I get the episode the next day when Netflix uploads the episode.
This show is just awesome. Unlike anything I've ever seen. The first season is rocky but a lot of shows are like that. The second is dark. Darker than I thought shows would go but it takes risks and I admire that. Plus, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time!

Heroes - Heroes is a sci-fi about a group of people who all get super powers. It goes on for 4 seasons which I like because it wasn't too lengthy and it wasn't too short. I really enjoyed it because all these people hailed from around the world and the fact that they all met up eventually was really interesting.
It also plays on the "what makes a villain?" the entire four seasons about one specific character who's so complex. I loved how evil he was and how he wasn't evil and how it was a constant battle between choosing good and evil.

FRIENDS - Do I even NEED to explain this one? Friends is a beautiful show - it's funny and interesting and you will ship x and x [you'll get it by the 9th season.] Trust me - watch this one.

Teen Titans - NOT the newest one. I feel like I have to be clear. The new Teen Titans GO! is quite honestly a fail in comparison to the original. Teen Titans has the perfect element of friendship, humor, oh and butt-kicking. There is a colossal amount of butt-kicking that made me so happy. Each character has such a distinct personality and while the episodes don't really connect, there's an overall theme to the season. I think each of the five characters has a personal villain, except one.
Warning: the original series is amazing but it ends really badly because they never made another season. Seriously, if you liked it as much as I did, you will get your heart ripped out at the "ending."

tbh the only reason i watch this [jk]

Well that's good enough - but guys, for realsies if you need some more, let me know. I don't watch kdramas [I should] but I pretty much watch everything else that's limited to English. It's because it's too difficult to listen to a kdrama. I would have to watch and read the subtitles.

Here's a list of shows I hope to watch [or rewatch!] by the end of summer. I'll be writing up a post at the end of summer as a recap too!

Kim Possible [rewatch]
Dragon Booster [rewatch]
Orange Is The New Black
Sense8
Newest season of Once Upon A Time
Teen Wolf
Lilo and Stitch the Series [rewatch]
Cyberchase [I LOVE this show.]
American Horror Story
Arrow
Skins [I'm halfway through this one]
Gossip Girl [I gave up halfway through season 5 but now I want to FINISH it!]
Pretty Little Liars [I'm iffy on this one so I might not watch it.]
Veronica Mars [rewatch]
Friday Night Lights? [Is this one good? I heard recs but idk]

I'm obviously not going to be able to watch all of these but I'll definitely try! Did I miss anything? What shows do you like? What shows DON'T you like? Don't let me watch a really bad show!

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RE: Booktubing vs. Blogging - The Blogger's Perspective

Before I start, I just want to thank my friends and those who I've been talking to on twitter. This post has been beta read by several people so I'm aware of what I'm saying before it goes live. I'd also like to link you to Rachel's post, where she talks about her version of the events of the "booktube drama."

This is basically a post on my thoughts on the Thoughts on Tomes video, created in defense of booktubers over some drama. After I watched it, I felt a lot of things and quickly realized that I was the unpopular opinion. In a way, I'm terrified to write this post however, I realized that I don't know Sam [thoughts on tomes] so why should I feel scared?

This is not an attempt to throw shade at booktubing. This isn't a hate post. You know I don't roll that way. I love booktubers. Having the courage to talk on a screen in front of strangers? There's a reason I'm a blogger and not a booktuber - just saying.

Since her video was more from a booktuber's perspective, I wanted to write one from the blogger's perspective. [Like in her description box, the same comment applies: Please keep all comments civil and respectful.]

When I watched it, I found myself half in agreement and not. The intention is clear and I think it's great to see people standing up for booktubing. I'm not a genius at booktubing obviously - I'm a blogger. However, my first impression of the video was how it was called "Booktubing vs. Blogging" and IMO,  I feel like the "versus" makes things sound like we're against each other.

Sponsers. Personally, I have no qualms with Sponsors either! What Sam said about being happy for the booktubers who get sponsers is totally right! I don't know if I would want to watch a sponsored video but it wouldn't change my opinion of the Booktuber. Instagram accounts also do ads for certain companies and I understand things can get annoying but also like Sam said, just don't watch the video if you don't like it.

Something that was recurring throughout the video that I didn't like was that Sam said that there was a group of bloggers that were repeatedly bashing booktube, and in a public space. Now, I'd only heard of the one incident that night on Twitter with a few people [who are my friends and are seriously sweet people.]
What kind of rubbed me the wrong way was when she stated that she'd never seen booktubers talking shit about bloggers. I didn't even go to BEA and I heard about the blogging panel where it was just booktubers throwing shade. I think we need to accept that there are bad eggs in every community and that it isn't like one is great and the other is mostly great because that isn't the case.

Also maybe it's due to my sensitivity but I felt very small while watching the video. There was nothing said about bloggers to insult us directly - quite the opposite actually. The video actually ends on a genuine and loving note and sums things up well. However, throughout the video, I just felt like the angry tone was not working for me. She's annoyed at the crap that's going on - I get it. But personal opinion? It made me uncomfortable to watch because I felt like I was on the other end of her video.

I don't know what's going on with ARCs. I've seen booktubers who have followers in triple digits getting ARCs [and a lot too!] so maybe publisherss have some kind of formula? However, from what I've seen, booktubing is only recently getting a load of success so maybe publishers are still warming up to the idea of a different way of reviewing? Either way, I do hope that one day we'll be able to both get ARCs without anyone on either platform having an advantage.

This is the biggest point I have to make. I was pretty upset at what I found was ignorance when she said that booktubing takes more time than blogging. I understand that filming, editing, sometimes hair and makeup can take a long time. But saying that booktube takes more time than blogging is plain ignorant. Personally, I make my own graphics and that alone can sometimes take days! And there are people who are slow typers too. But what I really got from the entire point was that time = effort and that isn't true at all. Whether blogging or booktubing takes more time is a discussion that could be held off for another day.

Can't we just leave it at we give time for both platforms because we're passionate about what we do?

Edit: This wasn't mentioned in the booktube video but if someone has [non hate] opinions about booktube that differ from yours, telling them to "take it to DM"  is out of line. [Other people were doing this.] Opinions are NOT fact and anyone who takes them as such have only themselves to blame. Who are you to tell someone how to run their twitter? Like someone who doesn't like watching sponsor videos, those who don't like my or anyone else's opinions should take their own advice: leave. 
I refuse to let anyone tell me how to run my social media. If I'm wrong about something, let me know what you think, for sure! But don't tell me what to do - especially if you don't know me.

Whoops, sorry for the mini rant. I only added that bit because I saw another post that sent me on a rage.

Again, this post is in no way meant to start up more trouble. I just figured that if someone decides to post a video and I watch it, in the name of discussion, I have the right to write a response to her points. And now I'd like to know what you think!

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If I Say... What Do You Feel?

As a writer, the biggest struggle I have is to invoke emotion out of a reader. I never understood how to create "the feels" but I definitely know how it feels to get them from other authors. In my mind, creating a plot, snappy dialogue and realistic characters are things that can be taught, but the feels. To me, that's what separates a good writer from a fantastic one. It's also the reason why, if I get the feels, a book can receive an entire star higher than what it should've gotten.

Below, I'm going to share a few pieces of writing. I'll try to make them short. I hope it's alright guys, but I need you to be my reading guinea pigs. For each paragraph, I'm trying to invoke an emotion [yes, "the feels" counts as an emotion.] I'd really appreciate it if you can tell me a) if you got any emotion, b) what emotion you got and c) what I need to work on.

Piece #1

imagine being sad with a constant reminder that at one point, you felt like you were invincible. standing on the edge, you'd think to yourself, "how could it change in such little time?" imagine seeing the person you loved with another and wondering if it was you who gave up too easily. and when there's absolutely nothing left, imagine the only picture of us underneath your pillow - too painful to look at and too painful to burn.

Piece #2

“Can I drive?” I ask giddily as we enter the garage, last to leave.

“I don’t know. Do you have a license?” he plays along, knowing full well what the answer is.

I curl my mouth into a devilish smile. “Does it matter?”

He doesn't laugh but I see the amusement in his eyes. It's a foreign feeling but that doesn't mean it looks bad on him. “One day, I’ll teach you how to drive,” he promises and it sets my heart on fire so much that I have to mentally remind myself that he’s an aloof asshole who can’t get his feelings straight.

He starts the engine and I feel the car warming up. “You promise?” It’s so quiet, I don’t even know if he hears it.

Unfortunately, he does, not looking at me when he responds. “Promise.” It’s a ghost of a whisper, like he’s saying it to himself and not me; I don’t even think I’m meant to hear it. But I do. And it’s wonderful.

The atmosphere becomes slightly tense as I become a loss for words. That is, until the radio starts to play. One of my favorite indie songs fills the car and I hum along as he pulls out of the garage. When we're finally on the open road and the song fades out, I turn to stare at him.

He turns his head and I don't react fast enough. “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, a blend of curiosity and irritation in his voice. Ah, there's the boy I know and love, I think to myself, rolling my eyes.

I'm caught off guard and instead of thinking, let my mouth run faster than my mind. “No offense, but I had you pegged as a Taylor Swift kind of guy.”

Piece #3

when you asked me if i'd ever been in love, i bet you didn't know that you were the first person in years to catch me off guard. mommy and daddy split when i was three. mommy used men like square pegs to fill the star-shaped hole in her heart. daddy loved work and greyed faster than the president. and me? i turned to ice cream - the only thing that wouldn't let me down.

in many ways, i was protected. i spent countless nights with my best friend and a box of tissues, listening to her cry over the newest fling boy that had left her. i learned that there's a reason why new couples always think they'll be the ones who'll make it, not knowing that those were words tried and worn by countless others who'd ultimately ended up alone. they were like lightning - brilliant but unable to be harnessed by humans and ultimately, lost. if you asked me, it seemed like a vicious cycle of disappointment.

so when you asked me if i'd ever been in love, i turned away. it always feels like love in the moment, doesn't it? and since heart and mind are part of two different systems, it's no wonder why we don't learn from our mistakes. have i ever been in love? no. that question implies that i lost the feeling and when it comes to love, if it's real, it never leaves - even if you beg.

and i did.

Piece #4

people say karma's a bitch but really, it's just a mirror.

Piece #5

i could give you a list of names they called me: jelly donut, fatso, four months pregnant. are you laughing right now? my "friends" did when i came crying, seeking some sort of reassurance that i was not what i was called. my parents, with broken tearducts and mechanical hearts, assured me it would pass - that running away meant weakness to the ones who fed off it like their last meal.

you would think that the worst place would be the hallways. tons of people to do the pushing and not much room to run away, especially if you're me. but no. the scariest place was the field. when teachers felt particularly ruthless, taking us outside and calling up the two best players in the class. "team captain," they'd say, not knowing that they'd just pressed the button to doom us all. the captains relished in their power, knowing who to pick and who to embarrass. but i'm not seeking validation and acceptance from the peers who called me names. without fail, when my name was called, i would walk with faux pride to the team with lips in grim lines. i was picked last because "hey, the fat girl is going to slow us down." i was picked last because no one wants a liability on their team.

Any emotion, guys? ANY? If I didn't get anything, please tell me so I can improve. This was just a fun exercise to share some writing [and different forms of it too!] with you guys.

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My Idea of a Perfect Blog

Obviously, when it comes to blogging, there are no rules. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do! You also don't have to model your blog after others' success. I've been thinking of a post like this but I wasn't sure if it would offend some people. I decided to roll with it but to also make mention that my idea of a perfect blog is towards my own blog - not yours. I'm not in any place to say what the perfect blog is and lower others' self esteems - that's what the media's for. Instead, I talk about the qualities I strive to have in my own blog because the only blog that should be perfect is my own [duhh???]

1. Discussions, discussions, discussions!

Little Baby Blogger Nova was scared shitless of her own opinion at one time. It's kind of funny. I tried to be impartial towards everything in fear that I would start something with bloggers that were higher up. Now that I've been in this biz for a while, I realize that as long as I'm not being a dick [forcing my opinion, acting like my opinion is fact], I can say whatever I want! Because of that, I decided that discussion posts are the thing. When my blog didn't have discussion posts, I felt like I didn't have a voice. Plus, it was boring to read reviews and reviews and the odd meme every once in a while.

I have a discussion once a week and if I could, I would do it twice a week. Still working on that, though. I've been recognized for my discussions by some bloggers and seriously, you have no idea how much that means to me. Discussions are the thinggggggg!

2. Designs with a blend of color and professionalism

Obviously, I'm still working on this. Out of Time isn't the most professional site. It actually looks a little childish but I'm childish so why not? I've always thought a design represents the blogger and I'd like to think that I'm a blend of abstract color [and craziness] but still trying [failing?] to remain professional.

3. Reviews with voice.

This was meant to be for all posts but it's hard to not have a voice in discussions. No, I mean that I've read reviews that are so dull and boring. I get that you want to write up something nice for the publisher but it's also why I don't like reading Kirkus. I want a review that has personality, humor and gifs! [I'm pretty impartial on the whole "to gif or to not gif" debacle.] I used to write like a detached robot but then decided that I have to do essays in class and I know how much I want to shoot myself when I do that, why do it in blogging?

4. Memes

This is a personal choice. I hate memes. Fine, they're cool to share your top ten or a book from your tbr list. But do you know how annoying it is to skip over a crapload of TTT posts because all the books are the same on each? Obviously, I'm not saying, "don't do memes!" Only that if a blog is ALL memes, there's no way I can comment on anything because I won't have anything to say.
If you do memes and you love them, great! I remember loving them when I did them but since I don't do them it's natural for me to not want to read others'.
The only "meme type thing" that I do is my monthly recap/stacking the shelves but that's because I like sharing my books all at once and it's a good way to end the month.

5. Tell me about your day

Not everyone wants to read personal posts. Not everyone gives a crap. Also, not everyone feels comfortable writing them because it's in the title: personal posts. However, I'm a big fan of talking about myself and talking about the things I've learned. This is still a book blog - obviously, but I talk about my other interests all the time.

You might've read posts where I share songs I've written, songs I haven't written, poems or even just how my day is going. I like being honest on my blog and sometimes it's hard in real life because we might be judged but let me just say that I give no _ _ _ _s about being judged on my blog [because so many of you have helped my confidence issue.]

6. Authors invading the planet blog

This is one of the ones I'm still working on. I love the idea of author interviews and guest posting on blogs. I don't even care if I haven't heard of the author. Sometimes, I'll click a post and be like... THIS PERSON IS SO COOL! *adds book to TBR*

I'm actually afraid of reaching out to authors for some reason. It just feels weird without a reason. Like for an event, I'm like, "oh this is for an event" but when it's just a random thing, I'm afraid they'll be like, "wut?"

7. If you can do tumblr photography, do it

If you'd told me a few months ago that I would be doing photography on an instagram account that has over 700 followers, I'd call you crazy. For some reason, I had a hatred for photography [probably because I was a jealous thirteen year old who took terrible selfies in dim lighting.] It's an experience with trial and error but I'm loving the stuff I can do now and excited to make it even better in the future! For example, I mixed my photoshop and photography [skills?] to create this! You can find more photography here.

8. Get the readers involved

I'm no good at this yet so I'll keep thinking. Some bloggers do quizzes or questionnaires and personally, I love them! Also guessing games are really fun. I know the ladies at Novel Ink used to do trivia and it was awesome! I never answered it quick enough but it helped me discover some new books. I would love to be able to do things like these where it's interactive. Another goal!

And that's it! These are just the things that would make my perfect blog. However, I know that most of these aren't feasible, especially if they're all together in one blog which is why I follow so many! Each blog has something to offer to the blogosphere and it wouldn't be the same without that blog.

 

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What Is Nova?

I've always considered the possibility that we can be different people depending on who we're with or how we feel in the moment. It's like the many faces of the moon... or the different shades of grey. [Well, this is going to be a serious post - I might as well slip in a joke early on.]

Picture a girl with a group of friends in the mall. The entire group is loud, brash and a bunch of swear words are being passed around every so often. You might hear words that make you question where these kids' parents are. Stay long enough and you might hear them start to gossip about people they hate. But what you don't know is that the girl in the middle hates the rest of the people. She's only using them because they do things for her and provide company.
Now picture a girl in class. She's watching Netflix while the teacher talks. She doesn't talk to everyone; rather, she pretty much hates the people she has to breathe the same air as six hours, five days a week.

Hi, my name is Amelia and what you've visualized is me from two years ago.

Has your perception of me changed yet? Thoroughly disgusted? I would be too. I'm not proud of the things I've done but in a society where it's assimilate or be cast out, we do what we have to. Growing up was rough with people who took advantage of kindness so I flipped to the other extreme.

Now picture a girl who spends late nights creating an author/blogger love project because she cares about her community. This is a girl who welcomes newbies with open arms and talks to everyone on twitter, no matter their follower count/status/age. She's all about making people feel love and feeling the love just by good deeds. She isn't the biggest blogger but that won't stop her from trying to make the most friends and being overall well-liked.

Is that the person you're accustomed with? Nova?

Before blogging, Amelia was terrorizing everything. Things were just getting worse and worse and then... I read the book This Song Will Save Your Life. In that book, the main character spends the entire novel trying to find herself and reinvent herself. Whenever I read a book that I have a personal connection with, the first instinct is to write a song. For this book, I took things one step further.

Truth is, there's no satisfaction in being a bitch. It might be 'funny' at first but once the clouds separate, you see your actions for what they are: hurtful. But I've been doing it for so long and as much as it kills to admit it, Amelia's personality took over everything.

So when it comes to blogging, I get focus on the better side of me. And I think that to keep me balanced, I need this. I constantly get told to stop blogging so much, but I think blogging is the only reason I'm not insane. And blogging is the only reason why I can say that my self esteem as gone from -1,000,000 to 5. 5 isn't a high number but at least I'm out of the negatives.

But I took it one step further: I assigned myself a name. I could've looked up a ton of baby names but that's obviously too mainstream for me. Try not to cringe as you read the next paragraph.

So when I was twelve, I was really into Twilight Fanfictions even though I didn't like Twilight too much. To be honest, some of those fanfics are so different from the original plot, making them novels that could pretty much stand on their own. I was browsing through an archive and I found this. It's a story in which Edward and Bella are actors who play characters named Zaiden and Novalee. So I merged them, split Novalee and BAM.

I'm actually so haunted at this story but I love my name. Truth be told, I don't know what Nova means. I don't really care either. Maybe a Nova from the past was To me, Nova means change. Nova means being kind for more reasons than getting something in return. It symbolizes hope that someone who was stuck as a bully can become something more than the inferiority they feel. It proves that even the worst people can change and that no matter how out of practice we are, the ability to love never really leaves us.

Nova is imperfect; she'll continue to screw up and learn and that's exactly why she's the only person I want to be.

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The Evolution of My Blog Design

I've been drafting this idea for a week now, playing with how I want to do it because I never saved screenshots of my previous blog designs. So just because I seem to have a lot of time on my hands, all the screenshots of my "designs" have been recreated for this project. [I opened a test blog and created the layout. That's also why there are no posts and no widgets on the side.]

After thinking about where I am as a blogger, I realize that I need to do a post in which I show you all my embarrassing blog designs through the years. And embarrassing, they are. I wasn't able to afford a designer so all the ones below are done by yours truly, except the current one which was done by the amazing Stephanie @ These Paper Hearts.

What you see might SHOCK you. It was pretty bad, guys. I don't know how I achieved this "niceness" but it definitely wasn't without YEARS of trial and error [mainly error.]

My blog is not new. I hate telling people my age because I didn't "get" blogging until years after I started. I don't completely get it, even now. There was just a lot I didn't understand and I was only introduced to the community a year and a half after I started so for that time, I was riding lone wolf.
So I won't be putting specific dates and now you know why.

2012

Like a few other bloggers I know, my first venture in the blogosphere was for a school project. I teamed up with my friend, Maddie to create a blog known as "Bookaholics Ink." which is a pun on the word "inc." We were 12, leave us alone. I quickly ditched the idea, as you can see, we gave up only a few months after we launched.
We used the blogger templates and didn't create ANYTHING new at all.

If you can read it in the last post, I do say that I'm in the middle of starting my own blog. Obviously, I've deleted it now but BOOM. This was the original "Out of Time," known as "Nova, the eBook Nerd." I had the "brilliant" idea to review wattpad books even though most of ones I reviewed are written by inexperienced writers with big heads who think their work is the shit because they've got millions of reads.
So glad I stuffed that idea.

ALSO GET A LOOK AT THAT BUTTON. NO WONDER NO ONE WANTED ME HAHA. This was my FIRST ever venture into photoshop where I blended a book with a nova and a starry background. It looks like hell and I know. Oh well.
[ALSO PINK TEXT FONT. KILL ME NOW.]

The "Musings of a Blogder" Era

Musings of a Blogder went through like 3 different designs and I can't even fathom how I remember all three of designs. I've got nothing better to remember, I know. And they're probably in the wrong order, but it's alright, as long as I sort of got it.
Also, random fact: I actually deleted my graphics, so I scoured the web from the after finally finding them... on facebook. What even?

 After a quick google search of "Supernova" the image you see in this design header and background sparked an idea for a design. At this point of my life, I was very in love with the Trajan Pro font, #sorrynotsorry. Obviously, I still have no idea what I'm doing and my design skills, if you can even call them that, are in need of work. I mean, look at my signature! It's the same one as now but the colors are all wrong. And that font for "Won't Shut Up" is BARELY legible!!!
The only thing I'm proud of is how I use "Blogger + Reader" on my header. Yes, that's what BLOGDER means. I'm not committing typo fails, I promise. However, the question mark just ruins everything. Why do I sound unsure, omg.

It took awhile, but I eventually realized that the last design was NOT the design for me. This new one is a lot more like the one I currently have. It's me starting to experiment with the jewel tones and a darker theme. I still haven't fixed up my stupid graphics, which is why they still look like that, but I'm slightly happier with the background and the header. The font is nice, in my opinion.
At this stage, I was experimenting with Dafont.com [which is where the banner font came from and the header font.]

This one actually doesn't look too bad, in my opinion. I finally fixed the background to make it look like the header blends easier. The graphics actually match the theme, except the popping effect looks weird and out of place in comparison to the title.
Since Musings of a Blogder also incorporated music, it's nice to see it in the header. The rating system would soon change to the music notes they are now but these flashy stars aren't actually too bad. In my OLD reviews, I still have the rating system as these stars because I'm way too lazy to change them. And yes! The signature was made at this stage and I think I got lucky with it because I still use it to this day!!

Out of Time - Present Time

I never realized the beauty of a solid color background. It looks awesome because there's so much going on in the header. I think that was one mistake I made in ALL my previous designs - I focused too much on the background.
Something I forgot to mention was that the blockquote was developed by Ashley @ Nose Graze during the "Musings of a Blogder" era.

The header FINALLY works for me and looks the right size! I enjoy the bursts of color and how well it matches the graphics I made, that I still use! Also, I kept the rounded edges theme in ALL of my design stages, which makes me pretty happy.

So what do you think of my many stages? These are only the BIG changes that I remember. I'm sure I've had way more mini ones as I've been blogging. It's crazy to think how much we grow and change as bloggers from when we start out. My blog design really reflects ME as a person and how I feel like I have a handle on the things I do now, more than in 2012, when I was still making silly typos and haven't found the beauty that is photoshop.

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I Wrote a Song Based On: The Program - Suzanne Young

After doing "Messages From a Girl Who Writes Poetry," I decided to keep the trend going even though some of this stuff is considered personal. So far, no one's tried to throw tomatoes at my fake writing and I appreciate that.

I've been writing music longer than I've been writing poetry but they're so interconnected. My favorite thing to write are songs inspired by, you guessed it, books. So to date, I've written maybe seventeen songs? Give or take a few. Most of these aren't about books and are about life and depressing things like anorexia [which is a very important song] but then there are ones based off books!!!

Today, I'll be sharing a song I wrote known as, The Flaw. [If you've seen my Novel Melodies posts where I do lyric dissection, you'll know how this goes down.]

A while ago, I read The Program [and this was like last year... so a LONG while] and it really affected me. I have no words to how much I love that novel and how close it is to my heart still. The song is basically about The Program itself and what it stands for, in Sloane's perspective.

If you haven't read the Program, I would recommend either reading it or reading a recap of it because this song won't make as much sense if you don't know the general storyline. And yes, there most likely will be spoilers.

Also, listen to the song while looking at the lyrics because sometimes I can't understand what an artist is saying and I would hate to be the person who gives you that problem.

Lyrics

(1ST VERSE)
Is it gone?
When you've lost to the drug.
But you feel like you haven't lost a thing.
The program makes you forget your pain but tricks you into thinking you're perfectly happy.

Is it alright?
When you forget your page or place.
In a world we'd rather die than be erased.
People would rather die than lose their memory or die than be forgotten by the ones they love. Example: Miller [crap... that's his name, right?]

(PRE-CHORUS)
You took the memories,
That were not yours to take.
To be fixed,
Don't I,
Have to break?
The main thing is that the kids who are "depressed" aren't actually depressed. A system's been put into place to put suspecting suicide-prone teens into The Program and that puts them all in fear. Making them look suicide-prone. Problem?

(CHORUS)
I'll forget him.
I'll forget hope.
I'll forget the river we used as our home.
Direct mention to the book [him is my love James.]

In dark and now unharmed.
Is it better to restart?
Freedom's only as real as we're told.
Boom, this is the mandatory "deep" line from Nova.

It's a crack in the glass.
A pixel that's broken.
A fracture in the skeleton,
The flaw in the program.
I list off random little things that cause an entire system or network to break down. 

(2ND VERSE)
The one I love.
Is now a stranger in a crowd.
We can't recall we anchored each other while the world,
My heart hurt while writing this. James and Sloane are like my perfect couple.

Tested rounds,
With your clipboard and your notes.
You disassembled all the lights that only blinked.
"Lights that only blinked" meaning that everyone goes through sadness, but it doesn't mean their light won't come back on again. Sorry, that was cheesy. Proceed to hit me with a frying pan.

(PRE-CHORUS)
Contain the hurricane,
That is tearing us up.
One tear could sound the alarms!
Inspired by the lines from the book trailer, so no, I can't take credit.

(CHORUS)

(BRIDGE)
Who am I?
I don't know.
A sedated state.
Till we actually wonder.
Same thing as the first annotation. No one gets curious about who they are until afterwards.

Is it better to let it go?
Should the past stay in the past.
Is it worth hacking the system?
Is getting all the memories worth it? The pain? The happiness? Sloane has to deal with these kinds of questions.

The pill is gone and so is our pain,
Where did it go?
Where did I go?

(ALTN CHORUS)
Woke up with a scream.
This is not a scary dream.
Missing pieces are the holes which we breathe.

But I'm the joker in the deck,
Blank faces not written yet.
My past does not define,
Who I am.
Again, just because someone feels some way during one certain moment doesn't mean that they'll feel that way forever. Unless they've got REAL signs of committing suicide, taking them in and erasing their memory is downright wrong.

There's no way to be sure,
No way to be certain.
I could be the ruins after the storm,
If I take the treatment.
I ended it the way the novel ends, questioning. Should Sloane take the treatment and get all her memories back? Is it worth it? Or maybe it'll destroy her all over again... Lol, this suspense thing only works if you haven't read The Treatment. If you have, you're probably rolling your eyes at my failed attempt to be suspenseful.

Yes? Yes? I'm all about creating new post ideas so your feedback on this means everything. Currently, I have a song written about Divergent, This Song Will Save Your Life and a few others that are still works in progress! If this goes well, I'll definitely be continuing (:

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Blogger/Reader Fails

In daily life, I'd like to think that I commit at least five fails a week a day an hour. Don't judge me! This includes locking my locker before I get something out, asking a question that was just asked or tripping up the stairs. Yes, the last one happened. No, it wasn't as fluid as JLaw's fall because unlike her, I didn't get right back up.

Now, thinking of all these little "fails" here and there, I'm bringing you a bunch of these fails that are blogging or bookish related. Most of them are from a while back, call it a faux pas for being a newbie blogger. But you'd be shocked, a lot of them are actually pretty recent.

Participating in a really heated fandom discussion and messing up a character's name. 
Listen, I have to deal with thousands of characters from all the books I've read. I'm sorry if my pronounciation of a character's name is enough to stop a conversation and make a person go:

Listening to an audiobook and having the chapters on shuffle.
This is recent, I have no shame in admitting this. It jumped from the main character on a bus to a main character talking to the king in the castle. At first, I didn't catch on but eventually... You should've seen me going "why is this novel going all over the place?" I think I was listening to it for a good hour before I decided to actually check what was going on.

Contacting the wrong publisher for a request.
I want to bury myself in a hole when I do this. I can't help it! Sometimes, I associate an author with a publisher and when they switch, I've got it in my head that they're with someone else. And the worst part is that I'm not going to have to deal with the publicist face to face but that makes me feel even worse.
[Sometimes, they don't even reply because it's so much of a fail.]

Forgetting your page, finding your "page" and not realizing that the page you found was not your page.
Whoa, that was strange to write. So let me break it down. I forgot my page once and then tried to find it. I eventually settled on a page that seemed right in vague memory but it wasn't until I read the chapter that I realized... THIS IS NOT MY PAGE! And then you're forced to keep searching - wasting valuable reading time.

Buying a second in a series before the first.
Basically, buying a book that isn't the first when you haven't read the first. Sometimes, a book won't say that its not the first in the series and I'll be honest, I'm way too lazy to look up Goodreads in a bookstore when I'm trying to settle for one book.
It's upsetting because now you either have to read the first book or revel in your shame. And even if you read the first one, there's no guarantee that you'll like it. Which leads to reveling in the shame again.

Calling a blogger the wrong name/mistaking a blogger in a public place.
If it were twitter, a mistake like this would never happen because of bios and their twitter image but in real life, I'm so prone to these kinds of mistakes at signings. Whoops.

That's it for our show today, folks. It actually wasn't hard to come up with these fails, they're pretty much written in my brain, as much as I hate to admit it. Fails happen to the best of us so tell me something funny you've done in the blogging/reading world. Please. I don't want to feel like the only one who does this kind of thing.

 

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