Blog Tour: Vassa in the Night - Sarah Porter

Title: Vassa in the Night
Author: Sarah Porter
Pub Date:Septermber 20th, 2016
Publisher:Tor Teen
Page Count: 260

In the enchanted kingdom of Brooklyn, the fashionable people put on cute shoes, go to parties in warehouses, drink on rooftops at sunset, and tell themselves they’ve arrived. A whole lot of Brooklyn is like that now—but not Vassa’s working-class neighborhood.

In Vassa’s neighborhood, where she lives with her stepmother and bickering stepsisters, one might stumble onto magic, but stumbling out again could become an issue. Babs Yagg, the owner of the local convenience store, has a policy of beheading shoplifters—and sometimes innocent shoppers as well. So when Vassa’s stepsister sends her out for light bulbs in the middle of night, she knows it could easily become a suicide mission.

But Vassa has a bit of luck hidden in her pocket, a gift from her dead mother. Erg is a tough-talking wooden doll with sticky fingers, a bottomless stomach, and a ferocious cunning. With Erg’s help, Vassa just might be able to break the witch’s curse and free her Brooklyn neighborhood. But Babs won’t be playing fair. . . .

Inspired by the Russian folktale Vassilissa the Beautiful and Sarah Porter’s years of experience teaching creative writing to New York City students.

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | The Book Depository | Chapters Indigo

Mini Q&A: What's your process for creating characters?

Hi Nova, I’m not sure I’d call it a process, exactly. I know when a character’s voice starts to feel right, though sometimes it takes a few tries before I get there. The character sort of spins out of the voice; imagine that the voice is a string, wrapping and wrapping around an invisible figure, until after a while you can see the whole shape of the person inside. I hope that makes sense!

Sarah's Facebook | Goodreads | Twitter | Website |

I write stories that seem to me to be quite true enough for all practical purposes. Among them are VASSA IN THE NIGHT, THE LOST VOICES TRILOGY, and the forthcoming WHEN I CAST YOUR SHADOW and TENTACLE AND WING. Realism makes little sense to me and I experience more truth in the fantastic. I always have new novels underway, both Young Adult and Grownup/ Literary/ Speculative. When not writing my own weird stuff, I can often be found leading creative writing workshops with amazing young NYC public-school writers via Teachers & Writers Collaborative. Or I might be drawing, or gardening, or wandering wraithlike through the streets. I live in Brooklyn, land of mystery, with my awesome husband Todd and our two cats, Jub Jub and Delphine.

 

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Blog Tour Guest Post: All The Feels - Danika Stone

Title: All the Feels
Author: Danika Stone
Pub Date: June 7th, 2016
Publisher: Swoon Reads
Page Count: 336

College freshman Liv is more than just a fangirl: The Starveil movies are her life… So, when her favorite character, Captain Matt Spartan, is killed off at the end of the last movie, Liv Just. Can’t. Deal.

Tired of sitting in her room sobbing, Liv decides to launch an online campaign to bring her beloved hero back to life. With the help of her best friend, Xander, actor and steampunk cosplayer extraordinaire, she creates #SpartanSurvived, a campaign to ignite the fandom. But as her online life succeeds beyond her wildest dreams, Liv is forced to balance that with the pressures of school, her mother’s disapproval, and her (mostly nonexistent and entirely traumatic) romantic life. A trip to DragonCon with Xander might be exactly what she needs to figure out what she really wants.

The Five Things No One Tells You About Writing

By Danika Stone

This month has been a whirlwind. On top of my real life demands which include being the mom to three boys, a full time New Media instructor, a wife, and unpaid chauffeur for any number of school events… I’m also a writer. The last six weeks have been a landslide of book launches, phone meetings, readings, interviews (online, radio, and newspaper) and—like this one—blog tours. There are not enough hours in the day. (I know. I counted them). But I am making it work. I have to, you see, I’m a writer… and if you want to write, you have to go into it knowing that.

Here are the top five things no one tells you about writing:

1.     Everyone will call it an overnight success, even if it took you twenty years to get there. The sad truth is, our society loves the idea that you can skip the dull apprenticeship part and launch to the top. I’m here to say that’s just not true. It might look like it happened overnight. But I guarantee that whatever writer you see in the “Up and Coming” section of your local Chapters has spent years working her butt off to get there.

Easy as Childbirth Gif: http://i911.photobucket.com/albums/ac317/danikastoneonline/Danika%20Promo/giphy_zpsbw0kmn8z.gif

2.    You WILL be disappointed. You know that first book idea you loved more than anything? Yes, the manuscript you spent five years slaving over? Someone else might publish a similar book a month before you query, destroying its chance at success. It’s also possible that no one (except you) will want to read it. Or, that you’ll find an agent, but they won’t be able to sell it because it’s not right for the current market. (It happened to me.) Accept that failing—and learning from those failures—is part of the process. Cope and move on.

3.    Luck is a bigger part of publishing than you realize. For all the books that make it, there are a hundred similar ones that aren’t picked up. Being able to snap up those chances when they arrive can be the difference between a successful novel deal and another round of querying. Keep your eyes open for opportunities. They’re there.

4.    Risk-taking pays off. Enter every writing contest you find. I did, and All the Feels was selected after being in the Swoon Reads contest! Send off your query letter to agents you don’t think will say yes! My agent, Morty Mint, is the retired Vice President of Collins Canada, the CEO and President of Penguin US, and the President of Penguin Canada. He was WAY out of my league, but he still signed me. Choose the ‘safe’ path and you might never arrive.

5.     Kindness is a bigger deal than you think. With all the frustrating parts of the publishing business, one element that’s always kept me going is how wonderful other people can be. But you’ll only see that when you are also sharing positivity. So get yourself out there. Connect with other writers and readers. Support them. Be kind. They might be that extra bit of luck that’ll help your own ‘overnight success’ happen! 

 

Amazing news, guys! 

Raincoast is doing a wonderful giveaway for an ALL THE FEELS prize pack below. Enter now!

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IT'S MY BIRTHDAY PARTY + 3 GIVEAWAYS!

It has come time again for me to turn one year older. I don't know about you guys, but at fifteen sixteen years old, the thought of getting older still terrifies me. Maybe it's because I still feel like a child inside, or maybe because I'm basically fighting with my maturity so I don't become one of those evil grown ups [not to imply that all grown-ups are evil, that's certainly not true. I've met quite a few who are wonderful and feed me.]

But let's get into the festivities, shall we?

Last year, I wrote all about the things I'd accomplished in the year but now that I think about it, that topic feels more like an "end of year" thing. So, as always with Out of Time, we'll be mixing it up [shaken, not stirred] and doing a day full of festivities.

Since I'm still in school [crying], I'm just going to try to bring a little sunshine to this corner of the internet. You can find a birthday post thingy on every single one of my social media and all birthday things will be different, meaning that I'm churning out content like crazy tonight. And look, it's only 10:23 PM! [I'm a heavy procrastinator - sixteen years old and nothing has changed.]

But, "WHAT?" you ask, is the topic of this post? Well, it's quite simple, really. I have sixteen candles and therefore, sixteen wishes. I know. I know. The old saying is that if you tell anyone your wishes, they won't come true. Well, that superstition never met anyone as determined and driven as me [let's forget that yesterday, I laid in on the floor with a little bit of cheese dust on my shirt] and I would just love to tell you about my dreams ; sixteen of them.
warning: this post got a little deep the more I got into it. I just... I have so many things I want to do and hopefully, time will slow down so I can do everything I want need

sixteen candles ; sixteen wishes

1. Fly. More specifically, travel. The city, the country, the world, the universe [if you have enough money, go for it!]

2. Go to your dream university. [Keeping quiet on this one for... reasons.]

3. Produce an album and sell it in any way I can.

4. Find a love so great it makes The Notebook look like an understatement.

5. Take pictures in every country in the world.

6. Graduate ____ feeling like I've done something with the time and money spent.

7. Give a speech on how we all have to love ourselves and how it's a lifelong battle with the biggest pot of gold you've ever seen at the end.

8. Attend a Broadway show and bite my tongue to keep me from singing along with the cast.

9. Attend a red carpet premiere [even if I have to hide in the bushes.]

10. Learn close up magic - and yes, I have to blame my favorite movie for instilling this desire in me.

11. Go back to my hometown with post-it notes saying, "Nova was here." Stick them everywhere so there will always be a piece of me in the city.

12. Publish a young adult novel. I'm little but I'm coming for the crown.

13. Do more charity because I understand it now, I'm poorer now, leave my door unlocked, it's pouring out. Mom always said "home is where the heart is" but I believe that "home has enough space for one or two more hearts."

14. Take a fantasy novel and using a black sharpie, edit the contents so the main character is now me and I'll be off slaying dragons. Call it a biography.

15. Pray more often - not for personal reasons, but for others who need it. Remember that the universe extends past what I can see.

16. Go to sleep before the stars come out because there is always tomorrow and I can say hello to them, then. Right now, I need your sleep for tomorrow's exam.

So now you know my dreams. With this knowledge, I do hope you'll be cheering me on [or at least, giving me a grudging pat on the back] and I hope I'll find myself contented with what I've done with my life. My birthday, truth be told, is not that big of a deal - it's just a date. What is a big deal, to me at least, is being able to share memories with you guys, being able to thank you for your kindnesses and being able to...

GIVE AWAY STUFF!!!

So, I love to end things with a BA-BANG and this giveaway is heaps of lovely.

First giveaway is $35 to any bookstore of your choice! I just recommended Amazon to US and TBD to INT because of pricing but I'm really open. I'm so excited to see what the winner will pick, there are so many great books... coming out this year alone!

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Giveaway #2 is brought to you by Brittany! Thank you SO SO MUCH, it is incredibly kind ; 

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Giveaway #3 is on twitter so hop over there to see! *hint hint* it's a preorder of my MOST ANTICIPATED of 2016! [Giveaway will go up sometime in the afternoon.]

***ONCE GIVEAWAY IS UP, TWEET WILL BE EMBEDDED HERE* 

I also forgot to say that the only present I need is kindness and although we should ALWAYS make effort to be kind, I'm going to make SPECIAL effort on my birthday! WHEEE *sprinkles glitter and happiness everywhere*

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Blog Tour: DIY Mason Jar Vase // Down with the Shine - Kate Karyus Quinn

Title: Down With The Shine
Author: Kate Karyus Quinn
Publisher: HarperTEEN

There's a reason they say "be careful what you wish for." Just ask the girl who wished to be thinner and ended up smaller than Thumbelina, or the boy who asked for "balls of steel" and got them-literally. And never wish for your party to go on forever. Not unless you want your guests to be struck down by debilitating pain if they try to leave.

These are things Lennie only learns when it's too late-after she brings some of her uncles' moonshine to a party and toasts to dozens of wishes, including a big wish of her own: to bring back her best friend, Dylan, who was abducted and murdered six months ago.

Lennie didn't mean to cause so much chaos. She always thought her uncles' moonshine toast was just a tradition. And when they talked about carrying on their "important family legacy," she thought they meant good old-fashioned bootlegging.

As it turns out, they meant granting wishes. And Lennie has just granted more in one night than her uncles would grant in a year.

Now she has to find a way to undo the damage. But once granted, a wish can't be unmade...

Amazon | Barnes & Noble | The Book Depository

DIY MASON JARS

I am very excited to be writing this post right now. When I first heard of this tour, I had the idea instantly from the cover of the novel. Mason jars are so great for drinking but they also make some pretty cool decorative pieces. Today, we're going to be making some flower vases. This is for plastic/fake flowers only. As far as I know, the paint mixing with the water for real flowers is toxic.

Materials: 

• Mason jar
• Two bowls
• Glitter. You can choose whatever color[s] you want for some lovely sparkle.
• Acrylic paint. I made the mistake of getting bad quality paint from Walmart. I recommend going to an art store to get some paint that won't peel. This brand in this picture will peel and it will be annoying as f.
• Brushes
• Elmer's clear glue.
• Plastic flowers [Walmart]
• Pliers.

Step One: Mix glue and glitter into one bowl. [Image one] Obviously, the product is glitter glue. With this mixture, coat the inside of the jar. Don't spread it too thick or it'll drip. It's better to go really thin and do multiple coats. [Final product, image two.]
*note: you can't mix paint and glitter. If it's super obvious why, it wasn't to me. I lost all my green glitter in the blue paint, oh well. [Basically, the paint will completely coat the glitter.]

Step Two: while the glitter is drying, you can start cutting the flowers. Specifically, the flowers I bought were in one big bouquet so they needed to be cut to the size of the jar. The flowers I have also have metal in the stems so pliers are required. If your flowers are different/already cut to perfect size, then congratulations! You have less work. YAY!

Step Three: Put the paint in another bowl and starting laying down a coat. Same rules apply. Thin coats help dry faster. If your first coat dries cracked and uneven, you may want to rethink your paint. However, if you're like me, you can do a few more coats. I did like three or four and it looks relatively okay. Another idea I wanted to explore was to cover the cracks with another color. That would be so awesome!

As you can see below, it looks kind of cool with the glitter and the paint.

Step Four: Put it together.

Honestly, this is such a simple and inexpensive craft. In total, I spent like ten dollars, which is pretty good to me; especially since some of these can be materials you already have in the house. Right now, I leave this jar on my shelf to add a bit more color and life. If you're like me and can't keep plants alive, I definitely recommend this craft - and don't forget to check out DOWN WITH THE SHINE!

Kate's Twitter | Website

Kate Karyus Quinn is an avid reader and menthol chapstick addict. She has lived in California and Tennessee, but recently made the move back to her hometown of Buffalo, New York, with her husband and two children in tow. She promised them wonderful people, amazing food, and weather that would... build character. Another Little Piece is her first novel.

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Nefarious Tales: The Darkling and the Knockoffs that Followed

When Mishma announced she would be hosting a celebration for villains, it's no surprise yo girl, Nova, decided to join in all the fun. Today, I bring you a post of musings I've been contemplating for a while now.

When I was a youngin', the villains were very obvious. They wore black, looked maniacal and were almost always creepy in some way. Also, they tended to be old and ugly to reflect their internal villainy. As a ten year old, this made so much sense. We see these people and go, "they're so mean and ugly! It just makes sense!" I'm drawing my experiences from mostly shows like Teen Titans and Kim Possible. Yeah, they had pretty fiendish-looking villains.

So imagine my surprise when twelve year old Nova read Shadow and Bone for the first time. The Darkling was nothing like the villains I'd ever encountered. For one thing, he was charming. HELLA charming. And intelligent. And ambitious. (And hot asf.)

I feel like whenever I tell people I love the Darkling, I never get the chance to explain why. I don't love the Darkling because he's gorgeous, although that does kind of help. I love the Darkling because he was one of the first villains I'd read about that portrays villains as more than just tyrannical (fullstop.) The reason I love them so much is because I find myself fascinated by what makes them tick. Unlike so many others whose purpose seems one dimensional, meant to be the things readers "BOO!" at, The Darking brings out a moral struggle in me. I'm supposed to hate him but I end up feeling bad. In an extreme case, I actually did agree with some of the things he said.

Don't laugh, but there's a Taylor Swift quote that I've always loved and it really fits into this situation. Taylor Swift and villains? I know, right?

“When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.” 

- Taylor Swift

As far as I know, The Darkling is unique is his own right. I won't claim that anyone bearing similar resemblance to him is a knockoff. This is not a shade post to call out other authors but truthfully? I really like the way the title sounds.

Instead, let's dissect the Darkling. (Okay, that came out way way wrong.)

1. Black.
The Darkling specifically can get away with this. I tend to prefer my villains not in stereotypical all black attire but seeing as this guy represents the darkness in the corner of the room, I'll let it slide. Bringing it back to the T-Swizzle quote, I've always felt that black is cartoonish (unless we're talking about Westley from The Princess Bride while he's wearing black — he made it werk.)

2. Elusiveness & Cracks in the Armor
“The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak.” And boy did Alina want it (at one point.) I think it has to do with the mystery of things. The character had his walls up and every so often, there's this perfectly planned moment where he shows a smudge of humanity, enough to only fascinate the reader more. With villains, and really, any character, I don't always see the intrigue. It's "they're evil" but I don't believe that everyone is 100% evil. I do believe that when push comes to shove, they will either do good or bad. But to show the 3% good in the 97% evil of a character adds depth to me.

3. Tragic Backstory
Also like black, I don't necessarily like tragic backstory. I feel like it can sort of "excuse" the villain from their bad actions but in this case, it works like elusiveness, where it adds to backstory.

4. Physical Attractiveness 
I don't consider myself shallow where looks are the only things that matter. No way, bro. But it does help that The Darkling is this menacingly attractive that shouldn't be fair. It's like how the brightest flowers are usually poisonous. [I felt very smart with that one.]

5. Intelligence
This is like the, "I can show you the world" thing. We see the Darkling as this source of knowledge and I don't know about you but for me, intelligence is such a bonus. The problem with this is that it can really further how evil this truly is. Personally, I really respect intelligence and if someone speaks in a refined way, it makes me want to agree with them. My favorite example is Kilgrave from Jessica Jones. That guy, he's messed in the head. But at the same time, some of the stuff he says, it makes a lot of sense and that bothers me.

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Monthly Recap [March 2016]: I Ain't No [Haul]laback Girl

Well... It has been an EMBARASSINGLY long time since my last recap. We're getting there, guys, slowly but surely. I'm going to forget the fact that I'm basically getting carpal tunnel [from extreme piano practice.] However, life hasn't been that exciting, except for the fact that my grades are really good. Apparently, if I can get a 95 or higher average in all subjects in twelfth grade, I'm eligible for a really good scholarship. Okay, right now, I do have those grades but I heard that in grade eleven, there's this huge drop so I'm keeping that in mind. And it goes without saying but the largest reason I haven't been blogging much is because of school. Oh well! I only have a few months left.

In terms of break, March was FILLED WITH 'EM! I basically had two weeks off [thank you snow day, making it a five day weekend!] On my break, I didn't do much but I decided to try out doing a "Document Your Life." It was a lot of fun but I don't think I can be consistent with it, mostly since my days are very routine and no one wants to see a scenery shot of the same street thirty times over. But come summer? HECK YES.

*I put a FUN snippet of me rapping Satisfied from Hamilton if you're into that, at the end of the video below!*


How was your March?

Don't sigh but I don't necessarily *remember* the books I received since my last haul. It's going to be insane, I tell you. I feel like I'm going to miss a lot of the books but these are what I can remember! Plus, most of them come with pretty pictures since I've been getting more and more into my bookstagramming LYFE. All of these books came from the publishers unless otherwise stated. I'm going to say a general thank you right now because otherwise I'll just be repeating myself. I am so grateful, constantly grateful for publishers considering me <3

All from HMH kids! You are so great. These books are so gorgeous and I will admit, I haven't had a chance to read them yet, but I will and I will shout about them from the rooftops! I also received Speed of Life by J.M. Kelly but the photo for that one hasn't been posted yet - I'm saving it!

Everything except "Gated" is recent book mail. I don't know how "Gated" got thrown in the mix but oops! Square Root of Summer and Guile are from Macmillan, Down with the Shine is from Harper [I'm on the blog tour!] and Scarlet Epstein... is from Penguin. Also, Square Root of Summer is really tall and I love that so much.

I won Amy Tintera's giveaway for an ARC of her latest novel. She's also so nice - she signed it! Or was that part of the giveaway? I don't remember. Either way, it was a lovely surprise. I also wanted to show another picture of Down with the Shine because it is such a "Nova" cover. Not sure what that means - but it is! Lastly there is The Darkest Corners by Kara Thomas! The cover is so so gorgeous and there's so much mystery too. I am so excited to read that one. Plus, I did the photoshoot seconds ago, meaning if you're seeing it on the blog, you're seeing it for the first time. [I'm very happy with the results of this shoot, to be honest.]

Okay, I will say that I don't get as many ARCs as the large bloggers but when I do, it blows me away. Sometimes, just sometimes, I get lucky and the book Gods grace me with their presence. This, friends, is one of those times. I am so asdfghjkl; excited to read HEARTLESS by Marissa Meyer, my most anticipated of 2016! AND THAT COVER! It's shiny, like it almost looks too beautiful to be an uncorrected proof. LORD I AM EXCITED.

During March Break, I was able to go to downtown Toronto and do a little shopping. There's a discount bookstore so I got these three hardcovers for 18 dollars. One hardcover at retail price isn't even 18 dollars Canadian so I am SO EXCITED. I also want to go to Book Outlet but it's kinda far - one day!

Below are some Lush products I bought [because I obviously have no self control.] The thing on the right is a solid perfume - like a balm you rub on your wrists that smell nice. It doesn't really... work long-term but I love the smell. Vanilla is the best!

April is going pretty well. I have an exam on Tuesday and a piano one on Thursday. We've just started reading To Kill a Mockingbird in English class. I don't necessarily... like it [kind of confused that the narrator is a young child when a lot of the story deals with the grown ups] but I'm going to hold off the judgment until we get further in. Other than that, life is pretty good!

Tell me about your March! I know this recap was super late and I'll try to be better but heyyy, better late than never, amirite? How many books did you read [me: like two], what accomplishments are you proud of and one act of kindness you ever did or were on the receiving end of! That last one, though; I am excited to hear your stories.

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How To Make Waves - A Reflection on My Blogging Journey

I heavily recommend you listen to me reading this reflection as you follow along with the post. It sounds like a spoken word. Please, I spent a lot of time doing it and I feel like my words carry more meaning with the audio. However, I know that not everyone is an auditory learner, which is why the text version of the letter is also available. Thank you so much for reading.


Quite often, I forget that I've been a blogger for a long time. I'm fifteen and it doesn't seem like it, but my "blogging age" is embarrassingly long.   However, in my however many years, I never once thought of doing a reflection of my journey. That is, until now.

Realize that the reason I'm doing this is because I need you to understand that there is a person behind the screen. Whenever I have to talk about something personal and potentially hard-hitting, I always try to go with my voice, my face - something to remind each other that the screens we hide behind are not real.

I started blogging as a tiny middle-schooler who didn't know the first thing about it. I was deathly afraid of making mistakes, so I didn't make... anything. I sat in my little bubble of positivity, tweeting happy and unrealistic shit about the books I don't even remember. I complimented bloggers on their hair, their blog, just goddammit - I want you to like me. Now that I think about it, in my blissful ignorance, I can't really think of a blogger that didn't.

But in doing so, I made myself as bland as a cardboard cutout. I've talked about this so many times and it won't hurt to repeat - I am Nova. Je suis Nova. 我是 Nova. I don't need more languages to express this. But online, I didn't feel like her.

You may remember my letter to 2015, where I promised myself to be more fearless, to be brave and to be kind. I want to be a good person. That is my intention in the long run. Let me say it again, I want to be a good person. And yet... I found myself situated in problem after problem, making decisions that I now stand by. I found myself causing problem after problem, speaking up, saying things I never would've said before. I talk about diversity, signal boost articles on marginalized groups. I leave my thoughts on anything I see, negative or positive. I subtweet because I am not at the comfort level to openly disagree with people on their spaces.

By nature, I am loud. My voice carries around. You've given me power to speak by listening. Friends, lend me your ears as I make one thing abundantly clear: I will mess up. I have messed up and holy shit, I know it. My opinions are as strong as the coffee I make on Monday morning. We could talk all day on how I believe that the minute someone goes from defending a victim to name calling, the hero becomes the villain. I could sit here and tweet up a storm about the way a problem becomes a volcano becomes a natural disaster and one person gets blamed. I could ride my horse till morning and outrun all of my problems but they have cars and the internet. God, the internet. An archive of all the times I've messed up in one convenient package. 

So how, you ask, do you make waves? 

Number one: Tweet fearlessly (and learn to apologize too.)
Be confident in what you say, know it's the right thing, or don't speak at all.

Number two: Be prepared [to mess up.] 
Sometimes, things don't go our way. We make mistakes; hurt each other and do all the things we promised we wouldn't. But to some people, it doesn't matter how kind of a person I am in my day job, if I help people in need outside of the internet. If I mess up once on the internet, things are already over. Some people wait on the bleachers for a blunder just to strut around with their righteous attitude while I'm on the floor. This is what terrified me as a tiny middleschooler; the very moment where people who I thought were friends would start to see me as someone who makes mistakes. As someone who is... human.

Number three: realize that these are not friends.
Friends don't spotlight shortcomings with flashlights; they light the path to retribution**. But let me tell all of you, I am, you are, all of us, we are good people who screw up. It might be often or almost always. I rely on a heartfelt apology, DM session and hope to let the other person know that I am sincerely sorry. It doesn't always work but it isn't about "work," it's about "try." I rely on the others; the people who will tell me when I am wrong but support me as a learner, nonetheless. By making waves, I find out who my real friends are.

My journey is about finding the balance in saying whatever the eff I want without injuring another soul. Perhaps one day, I'll be able to do this without any mistakes or misdeeds, but for now, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and just learn from those mistakes.

And even though I've definitely experienced crippling feelings of inadequacy and hurt from these confrontations, at least I'm not a cutout. At least I'm not a compliment machine who believes life is filled with rainbows. Life isn't filled with rainbows but it's mine, and everyone else's job to apply their humanity so one day, maybe it can be.


**the awkward moment when English isn't my parents' first language and the definition of retribution they taught me doesn't match dictionary.com. Sorry about that. Anyway, you know what I meant by that; a better word would be, *improvement.

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