This is one of those posts that kind of gnawed at me until I was forced to write it down. If you've seen my twitter, you'll know that I'm having a stupid moment that factored into making me leave blogging in the first place.
Like really? I just wanted to have a good time and I'm already having issues.
The idea of "Blogging Limbo" is what I want to call something I've seen a lot of people tweeting about. I'm sure there's a real term for this somewhere but I'm just going to go with what I've made up.
When a person is in Limbo, it means they are neither dead nor alive. "Blogging Limbo" refers to running a blog but not really feeling active on social media and such. It's like someone who actively posts but then there are no readers. The blogger has a cardboard personality and it ends up being no fun for anyone.
Those of you who didn't see the post, I came back from a close to six month hiatus because of ...reasons. These reasons included lack of interest, school and a bunch of other things, some of which I can't explain. And it's normal; even though I left, the world keeps turning which is why I'm stuck in this position.
I'm starting to maintain my blog again but then there aren't as many visitors as I used to get. But that isn't even the part that hurt. The more I look at my blog, the more I realize that I'm the cardboard cutout. My posts have always lacked some kind of feeling or purpose. This led to me feeling insignificant because I see a bunch of blogs that [may or may not] get a lot of readers due to the fact that they're genuine. And even though the readers aren't the main goal, I realized how closed off I've always been.
And why should that have to be? It's a blog! I'm supposed to get personal, get ranty and get feelsy; I can do whatever I want!
Truth is, I've never truly felt security with who I am and I think that started creeping in my blog. When I started blogging, I saw other designs and thought, "why can't this be my blog?" And though that isn't a problem anymore, I struggled with envy of others for a while. My personal issues have since changed to things like when people tweet about how much they love their blogging friends and I feel like I don't have any. Worst part is that it isn't even true! I know I'm a total loner, there are people I care for and who care for me in return but for me, a negative thought can tear down a thousand positive ones.
So now I'm in limbo.
I can stay cardboard or come to life. Either way, it's going to take a lot of work and acceptance. There's always been a subconscious reason I haven't been open and I want to change that. You guys are family to me and I don't want to hide things from you.
So my goal is start writing more personal posts. And I don't mean it as a just a "2015 goal." I mean it as a therapy; something that might just end up making me feel okay about my blog and me as a person.
I don't think my insecurity will ever fade so I'll do what a lot of people are scared to do: embrace it. And after that, I hope it will become a part of me, equal to the part that's fearless as anything.
Nova, we all have to work on our own insecurities and not even people that come across as confident do it without some conscious effort! You just need to allow yourself to be insecure and accept that it's something that you can work on! Baby steps and then you can continue to grow into being fierce and fearless!
ReplyDeleteDon't pressure yourself too much, we all need time to find who we really are and our voice, you can find yours and your blog's!!
I felt the exact same way about my old book blog. I put three years into it, and in the end I had to admit that it wasn't working for me, and I wasn't working for it, because I was trying to be something I wasn't. I tried so hard to emulate every great book blogger that I totally lost track of myself. After I realized that, it didn't become any easier, because I was convinced that I wasn't interesting enough to blog as myself. I think it's normal for everyone to go through these periods, especially during times of transition or growth. I'm glad you're exploring ways to switch up your posting style. It really worked for me when I was trying to get out of my rut.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Thank you so much! I really enjoy reading your blog, actually! I can't believe there was ever a time you felt like me. Your posts are so insightful and unique, it's amazing. It's actually that level of genuineness that I'm trying to achieve, hehe.
Delete