Jealousy is something that (I daresay) everyone suffers in. You always want to be like someone else. Might it be your looks, occupation, brains, riches...blog. There's always someone who's doing better than you and who you want to be.
There are so many bloggers that I wanted to be for their originality and likeability-ness. So many of them that have thousands of followers and tens of comments. Because of this, I started hating myself and going "why can't I be like them". That blogger got all the love, all the ARCs and all the opportunities while I was just...there.
It got so bad that I ended up secretly hating one for absolutely no reason. In my mind, though, I didn't really think of it as hate. It was more like a passionate envy and I couldn't stop comparing myself to said blogger. And because of that, I had ill feelings towards them. I'm still having a little trouble with that, but it's gotten better; minus the ill feelings. (We're actually good friends, now!)
The moral of me saying this is that everyone suffers with jealousy. And it can go to the point where it really starts messing with your mind. I may never be free of wishing I could be someone, but that "someone" might change. There is always someone better than you (in a sense) and someone you're better than. What I learned is that I need to keep it in the dark and surround myself with things that make me feel special. Things like all the blogging friends I have and all the ARCs and I actually have as opposed to what I don't have.
And trust me, it's going to be hard. If you're feeling at all like what I am or have, you get it. I'm a naturally jealous person even though this isn't a competition.
Remind yourself why you're blogging. Because for me, it isn't to be "popular"; it's to spread my love of books. And maybe if I keep telling myself that, I'll believe it.
What do you think? As a reader and a person, do you suffer with this? Just as much as me? And with what, if it isn't blogging?
I think I used to be a jealous person when I was a bit younger. I'm nowhere near and jealous of a person as I used to be. I guess for me, I kind of hate myself more than I hate the other person. I don't take it badly though and instead I try to use as motivation. Most of the things I get envious about are all the little cliques that I feel like are with the community. Sometimes I hate the fact that I don't rally have any super close book blogger friends but then I remember that's because I need to come out of my shell more. I've gotten better with interacting with people and even though I don't have any super close friends, I do have people I talk to on Twitter and through blog posts. I'm lrettyy happy with everything and the only thing that still puts me down is when I try to talk to a bigger blogger and they outright ignore me. Just kinda hurts you know? Whew, that comment went a bit crazy sorry. :P
ReplyDeleteWoww so many typos! within* really* pretty*
DeleteI swear that comment made me sound like I'm self-conscious and stuff but I'm really not. I love myself a lot in a like not snobbish way. :)
I've definitely felt this way MANY times and about almost anything. Blogging, dance, music, school, dedication to something, friends, sociability, writing, and just about everything else in between.
ReplyDeleteBut then I remember why I do the things I do. Because I'm passionate. Because it makes me feel better. Because I love my friends. Because it doesn't matter what other people think of what I'm doing as long as it makes me happy. And I remember how I'm better off than a lot of people and that I need to stop comparing. Easier said than done. I still compare myself. I still get jealous. I think we all do. <3
I think jealousy is a pretty normal emotional. It can be a good driver for us to excel and be better or it could hinder us. I've experienced both. It's easy to be jealous of what we don't have. God I am jealous of people with careers they love, people who can travel often, people with more money than me (which seems like everybody haha), etc. When I become jealous now I try to think of what I can do to stop feeling that way and what is the root of it.I also think, when we are jealous of people and things, that we don't always think about "the grass is always greener on the other side" thing. When you envy something that much you are clouded to the cons of that person's situation. For example, I have this friend who lives in new countries like all the time. Her life looks AMAZING and I hate stalk her FB (really I love her) with all these pictures of her having the adventure of her life. But that girl? She has nieces around the same age of mine and she does NOT get to see her nieces the way that I get to see Genevieve and Adela. She misses the family things being so many hours away. etc.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, re: blogging. I've been jealous in these 3.5+ years of blogging. YEP. I'm not too proud to admit that. I remember really early on feeling it badly and I came to the conclusion really early on that I would never be happy doing this if I let my jealousy hinder me instead of propel me. It's when I stopped caring about what others had and focused on what I was doing and brought to the table that I became a better blogger and a happier blogger. I feel much more content now that I've learned that sometimes my jealousy was hindering me from BEING better. You get so hung up on what other people are doing that it stifles your creativity and your passion. I see that in some other bloggers. They are too focused on what everyone else is doing and what everyone else has and I've seen them be so bitter after all these years and I think to myself, "I think part of your problem is your attitude." That kind of jealousy doesn't breed the kind of passion that is embedded in some of these other bloggers who have excellent blogs that seem like they are just seamlessly run and full of creativity and awesome things. Jealously, when it gets to be full blown and focused on, impedes that creativity process and personally I think that bitterness is noticeable in some cases and the passion shifts. So I'm glad you've been able to work on that! That's important I think!
Do I still get jealous on occasion? YEP. Sometimes I'll be like MAN I wish I wrote that post or had that idea. Or I'm jealous of other people's BEAUTIFUL designs. Or I'm jealous of how articulate other bloggers but honestly these things come in and I just let them go. They help me to be better and if the thoughts I'm having are opposite of that then I have a loooong process of working on that haha. I think the design thing is what I get caught up on. I can't afford a new design right now and I hate it but instead of letting that drag me down I just try to keep focusing on what's on the inside of my blog and hope some day I will have a pretty new exterior :P
Interesting post, lady!
This is important to remember! You have to remind yourself why you started blogging or why started doing anything. And then you have to remind yourself that all of those people who are further ahead than you had to work to get where they are. It didn't really happen over night. They put thought into it.
ReplyDeleteIt's true, blog stats can be evil little devils sometimes. And that's when you close out the window and don't look back. That's when you go pick up a book and read because that's the reason you're blogging (if you're a book blogger). After you get acquainted with the blogging community, I think you finally see the unconscious competition and pressure we put on ourselves and others. And that's when you have to ask yourself what you really want to accomplish.
Lately I've been fascinated with the effect of deep reading but my first thought was, I can't conduct this experiment and blog. But then I realized, it's my blog. I can do whatever I want. And I can incorporate this. This is something different I haven't seen anyone else do. That isn't why I'm going to do this though; I'm going to do it because this is important to me. And that's what we have to do. We have to find our own meanings and passions in this stuff and stick with them.
When I started blogging I had no clue that there was a race for ARCs (hell I didn't know what you had to do to get an ARC--be in the industry perhaps?) But when I found Twitter I started seeing how amazing the community was and I couldn't believe I had people coming to MY site.
ReplyDeleteAs the months passed things started to change ever so slightly. I would see people getting ARCs that I had coveted and I started to wonder what I might be doing wrong. I must admit this sort of jaded me a bit. I started paying more attention to my stats than I did the fun of what we're doing.
I started to forget that it's not a race and that I went into this as an outlet for my thoughts and to share how much I love reading. I never expected to get books ahead of release date nor did I expect to make friends.
I've realized that the more I put out of myself the more I get from the experience. I feel incredibly lucky each time I receive an ARC but do have to remind myself that in no way am I entitled to them.
Now I find I get the most pleasure from blogging by visiting other blogs and seeing what an amazing job the community does in promoting books and the authors behind them. Of course, it would be a lie to say I don't get a rush when I see a package waiting for me.
Great post Nova! I think this is such an important thing to remind our selves of when feeling a tad green (which I think is impossible to avoid since we are only human)
Fantastic post! This is something that plagued me when I first began blogging. I wanted everything all other bloggers had, especially all the ARCs and author friendships. I remember reaching out to the big blogs and asking for tips and getting no response back and I was really disappointed. I know they are busy but it kind of hurt they wouldn't help out a new blogger. Haul posts always make me glow green, even to this day, but I guess I have turned my envy into determination to be that good of a blogger and I have finally reached some of my goals :) Awesome post, thanks for sharing something like this will all of us!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with what you said. From day to day life, I'm always jealous of other people for being prettier or skinnier than me, or for being able to make more friends or something similar to that. Jealousy is such a common thing, and I'm always jealous of the people around me who have all these friends are social enough to make new friends. I feel so lonely a lot of the time, and I'm really jealous of all the people who do have friends, who go out with friends and post happy pictures on Instagram. I'm still battling that feeling a lot of the time, but it's better some days than others.
ReplyDeleteAnd with blogging, I used to be so jealous of other people for the followers they had, the stats they hate, etc. etc. I was jealous of certain bloggers that had thousands of readers following them and interacting with them on a daily basis. I compared myself to them and resented myself for not being good enough to get ARCs or comments or followers, just like I couldn't get thinner or friends (which was a huge struggle back then when I had fierce self-esteem issues).
After a while, now I've kind of gotten past that, but I still get jealous once a while over ridiculous things, both in real life and blogging life. I totally agree with you, though, blogging is something we do for fun and to share our passion for books. And making sure we keep that in our minds is always something important because jealousy is just another part of life and it's like a hurdle in our marathon :)
fantastic post, Nova! Thanks for sharing <33
Ha ha, I'm ashamed to admit that I used to be a jealous blogger. I just don't know how other bloggers do it - they can talk to authors effortlessly, how they can get so many ARCs, etc. but in the end, I decided that what's the point of being jealous? The reason I started blogging the first place is to share my love of books with others, to chat about books and maybe even form new friendships. Yeah, it's nice to get ARCs, but what matters most is you love what you do.
ReplyDeleteI've had competitive moments that bordered on jealousy and then I decided to just not look at my numbers anymore or worry about who gets what.
ReplyDeleteI've been afforded amazing opportunities from blogging. I didn't even know ARC's existed when I started so it's all good. Like you said - remember why you started blogging in the first place.
I think the only thing I'm jealous of now is of people who can write amazing reviews for books I love when I'm all.....OMG OMG ramble ramble lol